Throughout life, from grade school to the retirement home, friendship continues to confer health benefits, both mental and physical. But as life accelerates, people’s priorities and responsibilities shift, and friendships are affected, for better or, often, sadly, for worse. * * * The saga of adult friendship starts off well enough.
Full Answer
More recently, socioemotional selectivity theory (Carstensen, Isaacowitz, & Charles (1999)has underpinned research on friendship in the later years. This theory proposes changes in social interactions as older adults perceive their remaining lifetime becoming shorter.
That friendship will impact how we interact with friends and perceive friendships forever. You may even have symbolic links to your friends: the nightclubs you went to, the courses you took together, the coffee shops you frequented, the movies you watched, etc.… all are links back to that friendship.
Friendships are considered to exist when pleasure is taken in the company of another; when being with someone becomes a duty, rather than a preference, friendships begin to wane. The construct of friendship implies reciprocity and give-and-take.
Another crucial focus for contemporary friendship research is the contributions of friends to providing care for older adults. Given that offspring and other relatives may live a great distance away from loved ones who require assistance and caregiving, the potential for local friends to fill in when frailty emerges needs systematic examination.
Increase your sense of belonging and purpose. Boost your happiness and reduce your stress. Improve your self-confidence and self-worth. Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one.
Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else. Friendships have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, and prevent loneliness and isolation. Developing close friendships can also have a powerful impact on your physical health.
Friends are often a source of fun and pleasure, and among individuals who place importance on friends, they may yield more benefits in countries that are lower in indulgence. People living in countries higher in indulgence may not need to depend as closely on friendships to yield positive emotional benefits.
It helps us to become loyal and get loyalty in return. There is no greater feeling in the world than having a friend who is loyal to you. Moreover, friendship makes us stronger. It tests us and helps us grow.
Friendship is when you love someone and think about them no matter how busy life gets. When they make you laugh so hard you pee your pants (no joke this has happened to me too many times). Friendship is not caring how you look or feel because your bestie will take care of you no matter what.
Friends mean unlimited fun and frolic. The sincerity of friendship is one of the richest things in life by expressing all kinds of humanity! Your every single problem can be shared with friends with confidence. The one who always inspires you to move forward in the path of life..!
Friendships benefit children by creating a sense of belonging and security and reducing stress. Child psychologists find early childhood friendships contribute to children's quality of life and ability to adjust to changes within their environments as well.
Research has shown that having strong social connections is vital to our health. For starters, it can reduce stress levels, ward off depression and suicide, lower the risk of dementia, heart disease, and cancer, as well as boost our immune system…and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent loneliness a...
Many adults find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as...
Quality counts more than quantity. While it's good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you also want to nurture a few trul...
It's possible that you've overlooked potential friends who are already in your social network. Think through people you've interacted with — even v...
Joining a chat group or online community might help you make or maintain connections and relieve loneliness. However, research suggests that use of...
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the recei...
Friends can also help you cope with stressful situations. According to one small study, when children hang out with their friends during a stressful situation, they produce less cortisol, a hormone released when the body is under stress. 7
Spending time with friends can also help reduce stress. According to Harvard Medical School, "social connections help relieve levels of stress, which can harm the heart's arteries, gut function, insulin regulation, and the immune system.". 6 . Friends can also help you cope with stressful situations.
Great friends have the power to mold you into the best version of yourself. They see you and love you for who you truly are. They encourage you and push you to do better and be the person you want to be—your "ideal self."
Friends can also provide a positive influence. If you make friends with people who are generous with their time, help others, or are ambitious or family-oriented, you are more likely to develop those values yourself. 9
A lack of friends can leave you feeling lonely and without support, which makes you vulnerable to other problems such as depression and substance abuse. 8
Additionally, people are more motivated and likely to stick to a weight loss or exercise program when they do it with a buddy. It's much easier to get out and stay active when you have a friend by your side.
Supportive friends can help you feel more confident by offering praise and reassurance when you're feeling unsure. They'll shine a light on just how amazing you are and how much you have to offer others.
The preschool stage is between 2 and 6 years of age, right before starting elementary school. At this age, children understand and analyze friendships from an egocentric point of view. They don’t differentiate between their own perspective and the perspective of others. That’s because they haven’t yet developed a theory of mind.
According to this classification, friendships change over time. They are influenced by the evolutionary development of the individual. That being said, we mustn’t forget that friendship is a subjective concept. Each person has their own idea of what friendship is due to many variables. The important thing is to understand what friendship means to you so you can relate to other people in an appropriate and satisfying way.
From adolescence on, a multitude of shared experiences enriches the friendship. Distance and occasional conflicts cease to be a barrier to keeping and enjoying the emotional bond between friends.
This stage begins when children start school and ends when they reach adolescence, between 6 and 12 years old. These friendships are characterized by maintaining a relationship of cooperation and mutual help.
We are referring to the period of time between 0 and 2 years of age. During this stage, it’s hard to talk about friendship in the strict sense, but we have the first approximations of a social life. Studies show that small children start and maintain more interactions with people they know than with people they don’t. This preference implies that children trust people they can identify.
Friendships play a fundamental role in our lives. We all want to have emotionally significant relationships with people we can trust. We need other people to develop properly and have an enjoyable life. But what exactly is friendship? What are these relationships like over the course of our lives?
In general, adults believe that friendship isn’t a unidirectional relationship. Most adults think that it must be bidirectional. Friendship implies mutual psychological satisfaction. We categorize this satisfaction by the comprehension of both parties’ feelings and thoughts. Children, on the other hand, have very different ideas about friendship. Next, we will talk about how friendships evolve over the course of our lives.
It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends. To nurture your friendships: Be kind. This most-basic behavior, emphasized during childhood, remains the core of successful, adult relationships.
When embarrassing situations do happen, remind yourself that your feelings will pass, and you can handle them until they do.
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond.
Extend an invitation to coffee or lunch. To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to go to places where others are gathered. Don't limit yourself to one strategy for meeting people. The broader your efforts, the greater your likelihood of success.
Take up a new interest. Take a college or community education course to meet people who have similar interests. Join a class at a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility.
These groups are often listed in the newspaper or on community bulletin boards. There are also many websites that help you connect with new friends in your neighborhood or city. Do a Google search using terms such as [your city] + social network, or [your neighborhood] + meet-ups.
Joining a chat group or online community might help you make or maintain connections and relieve loneliness. However, research suggests that use of social networking sites doesn't necessarily translate to a larger offline network or closer offline relationships with network members. In addition, remember to exercise caution when sharing personal information or arranging an activity with someone you've only met online.
This theory proposes changes in social interactions as older adults perceive their remaining lifetime becoming shorter. Specifically, old people adapt to their changing circumstances by reserving their emotional energy for their most important relationships, shedding those with less meaning and value. Sander, Schupp, and Richter (2017)found support for this theory in a study of German adults aged 17–85. Across age groups, the frequency of face-to-face contacts with relatives was similar, but such interactions with friends and others decreased in frequency. The study by Li and colleagues (2011)described previously also confirmed socioemotional selectivity theory, with findings suggesting that older persons in the study had higher life satisfaction in the context of nonreciprocal emotional support, probably because they prioritize emotionally meaningful exchanges over other interactions. These findings imply that very close friends can continue as central figures in older adults’ social networks even if the networks are shrinking, regardless, perhaps, of frequency of face-to-face contact.
Friend ties alleviate loneliness (Chen & Feeley, 2014; Nicolaisen & Thorsen, 2017), offer emotional and instrumental support (Felmlee & Muraco, 2009), and provide companionship through mutual interests and shared activities (Huxhold, Miche, & Schüz, 2014). The feelings of connectedness that these aspects of friendship convey give meaning to older adults’ lives, which is important for well-being (ten Bruggencate, Luijkx, & Sturm, 2018). Indeed, exchanging many forms of social support is one of the most important benefits of friendship in the second half of life.
Social exchange theory, the convoy model of relationships, and socioemo tional selectivity theory have been the most common guides for research on the processes of friendship development and sustainment. Early studies of friendship dynamics in old age were grounded in social exchange theory (e.g., Roberto, 1989; Roberto & Scott, 1986), which posits that social interactions involve costs and benefits that participants assess as they establish and sustain relationships. The types of resources exchanged (Blieszner, 1993; Shea, Thompson, & Blieszner, 1988) and the preferred and actual extent of equity and reciprocity in social exchanges (Dunbar, 2018) are also considered in friendship research conducted from this perspective. Li, Fok, and Fung (2011)examined age group differences in the association between emotional and instrumental support balance in relation to support received from friends versus family, and the implications for life satisfaction. Friendships were evaluated by older and younger adults as more reciprocal than family ties, in keeping with the more voluntary nature of friendship. However, older adults reported higher life satisfaction when they felt emotionally (but not instrumentally) over-benefited in friendships, whereas younger adults’ life satisfaction was associated with reciprocity in emotional support exchanges with friends. The general assumption that equity in exchanges is preferable did not apply to the older adults in this study, reflecting the premises of socioemotional selectivity theory, discussed later.
The most common structural dimensions examined to date are friendship network size and frequency of contact (which is merely a proxy for interactive processes, revealing existence of connections, but nothing about the type or quality of the interactions). The typical interactive dimensions appearing in late-life friendship research are behavioral processes, such as provision of instrumental, emotional, and social support. Few investigators have examined the phases of friendship in late life intentionally and systematically.
Emotional closeness affects the likelihood of engaging in companionship and sharing the social and psychological support that typically define friendship. Because developing emotional closeness and trust requires a significant time investment, the number of people in one’s circle of closest friends is limited. Moreover, cognitive processes—assessing implicit social contracts related to assumptions of ongoing support, inhibiting some of one’s own preferences and behaviors to enable friends to satisfy theirs, and the perspective-taking that fosters understanding of friends’ needs and motives – are crucial for establishing and sustaining emotionally close and satisfying friendships.
The convoy model of relationships (Antonucci & Akiyama, 1987) provides another approach to analyzing old age friendship and support interactions, connecting both interactive and structural aspects of relationships. It focuses on differences in perceived level of closeness, allowing for comparisons across types and functions of friendships as well as across stages of the life span (Antonucci & Akiyama, 1995). Using the convoy model, Piercy and Cheek (2004)investigated friendships among middle-aged and older women who belonged to quilting bees and guilds. They found evidence of strong and supportive friend convoys with interaction patterns suggesting these friends would have enduring positive effects on the women’s well-being into oldest age. Levitt, Weber, and Guacci (1993)examined social support (e.g., confiding, reassurance and respect, assistance, advice) from friends versus relatives across the social network structures of family triad members from three generations. The mothers and grandmothers tended to report fewer friends than relatives in their networks and to receive less support from friends as compared with the youngest women. This pattern held across cultures, as both English-speaking and Spanish-speaking women reported similar network structures and sources of support. A recent meta-analysis by Wrzus, Hänel, Wagner, and Neyer (2013)confirmed these cross-generational differences in network structure (i.e., size) via a meta-analysis of data in 277 studies from 28 countries.
Moreover, this theory of mind effect was moderated by social motivation (in this study, the importance of being liked by others), such that it occurred only for those who had a high or medium level of social motivation. Thus, understanding others and being motivated to use social skills to foster positive relationships influence friendship outcomes. Looking instead at the impact of one’s perceptions of aging on friendship outcomes and employing a longitudinal design, Menkin, Robles, Gruenewald, Tanner, and Seeman (2017)found that holding more positive expectations about aging to begin with was associated with greater perceived availability of social support from friends a year later and with having made more new friends, with more of them close, 2 years later. Thus, these findings showed that a personal attribute influenced cognitive, behavioral, and affective friendship processes, respectively over time.
The construct of friendship implies reciprocity and give-and-take. This is not in the sense of an immediate even exchange economic model of behavior, rather that support is expected to flow both ways as needs arise for either party.
Models of friendship show that there are two main categories of factors that influence our choice and pursuit of potential friends: individual factors and environmental factors . Individual factors include such influences as approachability, social skills, self-disclosure, similarity, and closeness. Environmental factors include influences such as proximity, geography, activities, and life events.
We also want friends with good social skills—this makes friendship development that much easier for both parties in a friendship. Not only do good social skills help facilitate a budding friendship, researchers have also found that when someone shares positive words with us, it generates feelings of familiarity.
Friendships are unique relationships, but defining the relationship and its related dimensions can be a challenging task. Determining a single, fully adequate definition of friendship may be an insurmountable goal based on the wide variety of categories and life spheres in which friendships are formed throughout our lives.
Levels of friendship commitment vary over a lifetime, depending on the energy required by family or other commitments at the time. However, many of the women believe that when crisis strikes, true friends can be counted on to offer support, regardless of any inconvenience or challenges they may face to do so.
We engage in friendships on a voluntary basis and we recognize that our friends are also making the choice to engage in the relationship. This strong mutual alliance was summed up clearly by one woman in the following manner, “I feel like my circle of friends are the family I chose.”
In fact, research tends to show that we pretty much choose friends who we would rank at about the same level of attractiveness that we rank ourselves—the same way we tend to choose long-term romantic partners who are similar to us in their level of attractiveness . article continues after advertisement.
There are three primary reasons Rawlins discusses why this happens: “an overall decline in affect, an individual or mutual decision to let it wane based on identifiable dissatisfaction with the relationship, or a significant, negative, relational event which precipitates an abrupt termination of the friendship.” 36 First, some relationships wane because there is a decrease in emotional attachment. Some friends stop putting in the time and effort to keep the friendship going, so it’s not surprising that there is a decrease in emotional attachments. Second, both parties may become dissatisfied with the relationship and decide to take a hiatus or spend more time with other friends. Lastly, something could happen, a relationship destroying event. You find out that Adilah had an affair with your romantic partner. Adilah broke a promise to you or told someone one of your secrets. Adilah started yelling at you for no reason and physically assaulted you.
Ultimately nascent friendships evolve into stabilized friendships through time and refinement. It’s not like one day you wake up and go, “My friendship has stabilized!” It’s much more gradual than that. We get to the point where our developed norms and interaction patterns for the friendship are functioning optimally for both parties, and the friendship is working smoothly. In nascent friendships, the focus is on the duo and developing the friendship. In stabilization, we often bring in new friends. For example, if we had found out that Adilah had coffee with another person from our class during the nascent stage of friendship, we may have felt a bit hurt or jealous by this “outsider” intruding on our growing friendship.” As stabilized friends, we realize that Adilah having coffee with someone else isn’t going to impact the strength of the relationship we already have. If anything, maybe Adilah will find other friends to grow the friendship circle. However, like any relationship, both parties still must make an effort to make the friendship work. We need to reaffirm our friendships, spend time with our friends, and maintain that balance of equity we discussed earlier in this chapter).
There’s a wide range of reasons why friendships may stop being enjoyable. It’s possible that you no longer have the time to invest in the friendship, so you find yourself regretting the amount of time and energy that’s necessary to keep the friendship floating.
To help us understand how we ultimately form friendships, William Rawlins broke this process into seven stages of friendships (Figure 10.3). 29
Another variable of interest to communication scholars has been communication apprehension (CA). We also know that peers tend to undervalue their quieter peers, generally seeing them as less credible and socially attractive. 19 In a study examining friendships among college students, college students indicated how many people they would classify as “good friends.” 20 For people with higher levels of CA, over a third of the quiet people reported having no good friends at all. No students with low or average levels of CA reported having no good friends. Over half of high CA individuals also reported family members as being their good friends (e.g., siblings, parents/guardians, cousins, etc.). Less than 5% of individuals with low or average levels of CA mentioned relatives. Ultimately, we know it’s harder for people with higher levels of CA to establish relationships and keep those relationships growing. Furthermore, individuals with higher levels of CA are less satisfied with their communicative interactions with friends. 21
The second quality of friendships is that they are personal relationships negotiated between two individuals. In other words, we create our friendships with individuals, and we negotiate what those relationships look like with that other individual. For example, let’s imagine you meet a new person named Kris. When you enter into a relationship with Kris, you negotiate what that relationship will look like with Kris. If Kris happens to be someone who is transgendered, you are still entering into a relationship with Kris and not everyone who is transgendered. Kris is not the ambassador for all things transgendered for us, but rather a unique individual we decide we want to be friends with. Hence, these are not group relationships; these are individualized, personal relationships that we establish with another person.
Today a lot of our interaction with friends is now mediated in some fashion. Whether it’s through phone calls and texts or social media, gaming platforms, Skype, and other interactive technologies, we interact with our friends in new and unique ways. For example, in a study that came out in 2018, found that 60% of today’s teenagers interact with their friends online daily while only 24% saw their friends daily. 69 Interacting online with people is fulfilling some of the basic functions that used to be filled through traditional face-to-face friendships for today’s modern teenagers. Teens who spend time interacting with others in an online group or forum say that these interactions played a role in exposing them to new people (74%), making them feel more accepted (68%), figuring out important issues (65%), and helping them through lifetimes in life (55%).
Instead of comparing your accomplishments to theirs, remember that you both excel at different things, and those differences are what make your friendship special.
When someone is your true friend, they’re genuinely happy to see you succeed. Rather than being jealous of their wins, you celebrate their greatness, because they do the same for you.
As you get older, you turn to different friends for different needs. One friend might be a great shoulder to cry on, while another is always up for a spontaneous adventure.
When you make friends as an adult, you’re more conscious of what kind of friend you are and what kind of friendship you value. It’s easy to spot who you’re going to get along with.
You spend your early years learning the fundamentals. You spend your teens perfecting them in high school and college. Once you reach your twenties, it might feel like you’re finally done learning and ready to start living. But in reality, your twenties bring on a whole new set of lessons: life lessons.
It’s important that you trust your besties in many different ways: with your secrets, to protect your heart, to be dependable. When someone isn’t trustworthy, it’s difficult to form a strong bond with them.
It’s not about the number of friends you have , but the strength of the friendships. We’ll take a few best friends who love and support us over a ton of friends who are only semi-dependable any day.