why did the golf course start on fire jokes

How many great golf jokes are there?

The Canadian. A Canadian a Russian and a French guys are all armed with pistols and sitting around a camp fire. The Russian pulls out a full bottle of Vodka, opens it and drinks about a quarter of it. He then throws it up into the air, draws his gun and shoot it.

How did the man apologize to the golfer who hit the ball?

Dec 04, 2004 · The Water Ball. A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success.

What was a terrible golfer doing with his caddy?

Following is our collection of funny Golf Course jokes.There are some golf course golfer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline.

What did the golfer say when he stepped up to the tee?

Myrtle Beach is no joke when it comes to great golf on amazing courses. But what fun is a round of golf if you’ve got nothing to laugh at? Here’s the definitive guide to becoming every foursome’s go-to guy for jokes and hilarious golf stories. Study these, memorize them, and then start planning your next Myrtle Beach golf vacation.

What are some golf sayings?

19 Golf Phrases For Good LuckGood Luck.Enjoy The 19th Hole.Hit 'Em Long And Straight.May The Fores Be With You.Play Well.Swing Easy.Only Birdies.Have A Great Round.More items...•Nov 17, 2021

What does a golf starter say?

o When announcing players who are ready to start it is customary to say: “This is the 9:02 starters time, from (players home club) (First Name, Last Name) Play away please” and upon completion of his or her stroke, announce the club and name of the next player in the group.

How do you play golf in the dark?

Night golf can generally happen two different ways. The first way is to play with floodlights, usually on a short par-3 type course. All 9 or 18 holes are fully lit and you play with a normal golf ball. The only thing that changes is the time of day you tee it up.

Who invented golf?

The Dutch talk of a 13th-century sport called "colf"; the French say they first had the idea with "palle-mail" in the 1400s; but it is the Scots who have been most widely credited with having invented the game of golf.Jan 12, 2006

Why do they say Fore please in golf?

It is probable that golfers shouted to their 'Forecaddie! ', who would always be some distance ahead to draw attention to the fact the ball was coming and, in time, this was shortened to 'Fore!

Why does the starter say Fore please?

He just wanted everyone around to know who was playing, and the respectful onlookers were quiet enough to hear him. The word 'fore' in golf is meant as a word or warning to those standing nearby or ahead of where a player is in intending to hit, so it's easy to command attention.Apr 11, 2019

Is night golf a thing?

What is night golf? Night golf is basically playing your round at night time while the course is being lit by floodlights. Night golf courses can usually be found in areas where the temperature is still pleasant enough to play when the sun sets, for example in Portugal or the Middle East.Dec 18, 2019

Is Night golf hard?

Is Night Golf Difficult? Well, it's not technically any more difficult than normal golf. The thing is, visibility is going to be your biggest concern. Night gold is only made more difficult than regular golf by the course you're on, and how its caretakers have set up floodlights and other equipment for night golf.

How do you make your golf glow in the dark?

For best results place the light sticks at least every 50 to 100 yards on each side of the fairway. That way you can clearly see where to drive the glow in the dark golf ball. Alternatively, you can also use the larger 10" Glow Sticks nd Stakes or LED Marker Sticks.

Why are golf shots named after birds?

It wasn't long before it began to be used all over the United States and later spread to other countries. This was the beginning of using bird names to name certain golf shots. Based on the use of the birdie for a low par, it was considered convenient to use a larger bird the better the shot.Aug 21, 2020

What nationality invented golf?

ScotlandThe modern game of golf originated in 15th century Scotland. The 18-hole round was created at the Old Course at St Andrews in 1764.

Why do you play 18 holes of golf?

The 'Captain and Gentlemen Golfers present' were also known as the Royal and Ancient Club of St. Andrews. They decided that the first 4 holes, which were also the last 4 holes, should be converted into 2 holes to be played “in the same way as presently marked out,” thus creating an 18-hole golf course.Sep 23, 2016

What did the firing squad yell before they could shoot him?

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

What does the first guy say in the song "I've slept with more than 1,000 women"?

The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

What does the monk say to the man?

He walks over to the Monk and says “how did you do that?” The monk replies “with enough training you can do things that appear impossible, what is the one thing you most want to achieve in life?” The man replies “I’d love to be able to jump as high as a house so I can compete in the NBA” the monk re ...

What happened to a priest on an island?

A priest was stranded on island for many years. He had managed to survive quite well and was living a decent life. One day he noticed a ship had came closer than ever before and he began to smother his fire to produce smoke. The ship had barely seen him but sent a rescue party to his island.

What happens when an economist turns on the garden hose?

When the economist arrives home, he turns on the garden hose in his front yard and sprays a huge blast of water on the fire. This completely puts out the fire, but now a section of the house is covered in water. The next day, the arsonist lights a chemist's house on fire.

What is the sentence of the three women in the movie Tornado?

Three women (one blonde, one brunette, one black haired) are sentenced to death by firing squad. The commander says to his troops, "Ready, aim, " but before he could finish, the brunette yells out, "Tornado!". This distracts the officers and she runs free.

What side of the plane is the wing breaking off?

"Now please look out of the starboard window, or right side of the aircraft, and you will see that the wing is breaking off, and will soon separate from the fuselage..."

How many holes does Lee and Gary play?

Lee and Gary head out to the golf course for a quick nine holes. On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary and says, "What do you say we make this time worth something. Play you for five bucks?" Gary agrees, and they start their rounds.

What is Miguel and Wesley playing golf at?

Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a two-ball of women who are always half a hole ahead. The women are great golfers, but they are playing terribly slow.

What was James and Tom playing?

James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

Why did Jim Bob show up at his golf club?

Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. One day a week, the club replaced all its regular caddies with senior citizens.

Who started off the first tee of the fancy resort course?

Bill and his assigned caddie started off the first tee of the fancy resort course Bill was playing. It was his first time using a caddie, and he was excited.

How many holes does Debra play golf?

In fact, Ray has been teaching Debra to play, and this is going to be her first full 18 holes of golf .

What was James and Tom playing?

James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

Why did the Pope meet with the cardinals?

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "The Israeli prime minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.".

How much did Marvin put up on the outcome?

Marvin was a 14-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a scratch golfer, and challenged him to a match. He proposed they put up $100 each on the outcome.

What is the 17th hole of Sawgrass?

The Water Ball. A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success.

What does a man say to a friend who is playing golf?

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.#N#His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."#N#The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

What did the man about to tee off notice?

when the man about to tee off noticed a funeral procession moving down the road next to the golf course. He stopped, put his club away, took off his hat and waited respectfully for them the pass. "My friend that was a very decent and respectful gesture" his friend commented. "The least I could do, I was married to her for eighteen years after all"

What happens when you play golf on the eighth hole?

When they're on the eighth hole, they see a funeral procession pass the golf course, at which point the guy stops, lowers his head for a few seconds, and then heads to the tee.#N#Whereupon his friend says, "That's so respectful. Here we are playing golf and you take a moment to pay your respects."#N#To which the guy responds, "Well, we had a great marriage."

What does gent number one say to the funeral procession?

As gent number one steps up to the tee, a funeral procession drives by. Seeing the procession, he stops what he is doing, folds his hand, and bows his head out of respect. After the procession finishes, the other gents observe that, although it was a nice gesture, it was a little excessive to stop play like that. Gent number one replies "It was the least i could do ... I was married to her for 45 years!"

Why did the girl go into anaphylactic shock?

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.#N#"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.#N#"Between the first and second hole.",#N#"Well she may need to work on her stance."

What does the Japanese client say to the American businessman?

While there, the client makes a hole-in-one and the businessman congratulates the client by saying "machigatta ana" to which the Japanese client says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"

How many times did a golfer try to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and

A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green. But each time the ball splashes into the drink. In utter frustration the golfer said, “Caddie, take my clubs on in, I’m going to jump into the water and drown myself.”. The caddie replied, “I doubt that, sir.

What do black bear droppings smell like?

Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Two women were playing golf.

Do golfers carry pepper spray?

They also advise golfers to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear. They say that it’s also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity on the courses. They recommend that golfers be educated so that they can recognize the difference between Black bear and Grizzly bear droppings.

What is golf called?

Return to The Golf Jokes Table. It's Called Golf. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft ; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

What does Dick say to his friends?

Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his regular golf buddies. His buddies ask him if his new friend can play golf and Dick replies - "He's very good". The new guy hits his first tee shot into the bush, so his buddies look at Dick and say - "You said your friend was a good golfer!".

How many miles does a golfer walk a year?

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud - Almost feels like a hybrid.

How many holes does it take to polish off a fifth of Scotch?

During a discussion among the membership board at St. Andrews Golf Club in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 holes to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out . . .

How many holes do Nick and Lou play?

Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Nick says to Lou, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.". Lou agrees and they enjoy a great game.

Is golf harder than baseball?

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

Do you mind playing golf in the rain?

If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul-it-again.".