in his research, william pollack refers to the “boy code,” which: course hero

What is the boy code according to Pollack?

The boy code: Boys are trained out of their natural essence and expected to adhere to what William Pollack describes as the boy code. Our entire culture supports boys to abandon themselves and their true essence. We men have been conditioned to be the way we currently are.

What is the boy code in real boys?

According to William Pollack, PhD, author of Real Boys, the Boy Code is a set of (usually) non-verbal rules and expectations that continue define boyhood and masulinity in America. The four major tenets of the Boy Code are: The Sturdy Oak Men and boys should not show weakness.

What is the first lesson in the boy code?

James A. Doyle (1983), author of The Male Experience suggests that the first lesson in the boy code is “Don’t be like a girl” (p. 161). Instead of being taught how to be, boys are taught how NOT to be, “what girls do, boys don’t” (p. 150).

What are some examples of introjects in the boy code?

Within the boy code are countless introjects. Introjects are messages that a person takes in from their environment without a lot of thought or discernment. The boy code teaches boys several introjects: “Don’t be like a girl,” “don’t be too tender or close with other boys,” “act like a man,”...

What is the boy code?

The acceptable behavior a boy begins to live by is what Pollack (1998) calls the “boy code.” The boy code “is a set of behaviors, rules of conduct, cultural shibboleths, and even a lexicon, that is inculcated into boys by our society— from the very beginning of a boy’s life” (p. xxv). Within the boy code are countless introjects. Introjects are messages that a person takes in from their environment without a lot of thought or discernment. The boy code teaches boys several introjects: “Don’t be like a girl,” “don’t be too tender or close with other boys,” “act like a man,” and “don’t be a mama’s boy.” Adding to their confusion in a world of feminist thought, men also hear “don’t be like most men,” or, from a mother in a family with an absent or abusive father, “don’t be like your father.” Several of these introjects will be addressed in the pages that follow.

What is the first lesson in the boy code?

James A. Doyle (1983), author of The Male Experience suggests that the first lesson in the boy code is “Don’t be like a girl” (p. 161). Instead of being taught how to be, boys are taught how NOT to be, “what girls do, boys don’t” (p. 150). Doyle (1983) believes this is the root of misogyny and sexism because boys believe that girls and women are, “unequal, bad and inferior” (p. 150). How many grown men in a patriarchal society hold this same childhood teaching? The boy code confuses the young boy because it splits off his inner experience of self (emotions and feelings) from an outer one that is based on cultural norms and expectations (boy code), thus increasing the disconnection. He is bombarded with more messages such as “don’t be a baby,” “don’t be a wimp,” “ don’t be a sissy,” “don’t feel your feelings.” The boy begins to take in these introjects all the while feeling ashamed of his authentic, internal experience. Over time, a boy will slowly shut down his inner world in the service of doing what’s expected. Pollack (1998) believes that by doing this, society is placing a boy into a “gender straightjacket” (p. 40). This gender straightjacket constrains boys and men to behave in socially accepted ways based upon their gender. Pollack (1998) and men’s writer Loren Pedersen (1991) agree that this confusion ultimately wears a young man down and may later bring on depression, failed relationships, emotional staleness or even suicide. The confusing introjects a boy will receive do not stop there.

What is the role of a father in a boy's life?

Whatever role his father plays will have a lasting impact on the boy. Most commonly, a boy’s father is the person who turns away or shuts down the boy’s emotions. If his father is around, he may make fun of his son if he is clinging to his mother. Fred R. Gustafson (1997), writing about father-son dynamics, believes that a young man will have a limited and warped sense of masculinity when the father-son relationship is unhealthy and the father is unavailable. Gustafson (1997) identifies this as having “terrible” consequences such as an ill-defined ego structure, a limited male identity, being controlled by women through guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Gustafson (1997) believes that the reason “there are so many angry men today…is not only because they have been discouraged from having or expressing feelings, but also because they have not felt a significant loving father presence in their lives” (p. 167).

What kind of man does a boy grow into?

The kind of man a boy grows into is laid down in early childhood development. His earliest relationships strongly dictate how a boy will be in relation to his world. If a boy’s feelings and emotional needs for closeness and connection are not recognized and valued or they are neglected or abused, he will most likely begin to disconnect from himself and have significant issues with trust (Ewen, 1998).

Where is the excerpt from my master's paper on the subject from 2005?

Here is my master’s paper on the subject from 2005. This excerpt begins on page seven of my 40 page paper. (you might also want to read my post “ Why many men are still boys and what can be done about it ). I have added a few new thoughts below the excerpt.

Do boys learn differently than girls?

Most of the research out there points to schooling. That boys simply learn differently than girls and that schools, by in large, support learning styles and environments that favor girls.

Does integration work if a man is not aware?

Neither of the practices (mentioned in the paper) supporting integration will even work if a man is not aware or open to them. So, a critical piece I missed in my master’s paper is that if a man is to change and grow, he has to A) know there’s a problem, B) be willing to admit it to himself, and C) take action by asking for help.

What is the purpose of Pollack's real boys?

In REAL BOYS, Pollack goes into the classroom to demonstrate how boys and girls learn differently and reveals that many schools are ill-suited to the educational and behavioral needs of today's boys. The self-esteem of young male students in incredibly fragile, even more so than that of girls.

How does Pollack explain how boys deal with emotional pain?

As Pollack debunks the myths that boys are less empathic and loving than girls, he exposes the patterns of behavior and emotional responses that are specific to them. While girls communicate verbally, boys express their emotions through actions rather than words, seeking attachment indirectly through activities or play. By understanding the pattern of how boys deal with emotional pain or a blow to self-esteem, parents can, Pollack writes, understand how and when to talk to adolescent boys about their problems. For example, a boy in pain will initially retreat, want to be silent and alone, acting out what Pollack calls the Timed Silence Syndrome. Recognizing the moment when a boy wants to talk is critical, Pollack says, because unlike with girls, it may be a parent's one opportunity to find out what is wrong.

What is the belief that boys are emotionally unsocialized creatures?

The belief that boys are "psychologically unaware, emotionally unsocialized creatures.". Boys are just as caring as girls. They may have different patterns of behavior and learn and communicate through action, but they are as capable of being sensitive and empathic as girls are. Top.

What are the three myths about boys?

Myth #1: Boys will be boys. "Where there are boys, there is testosterone, and where there is testosterone there is aggression, and where there is aggression, there is violence, or at least its potential.". Most people believe that testosterone ...

What is real boys?

Through case studies, research and the voices of real boys, REAL BOYS explains the emotional, psychological, and physical needs and desires of today's boys and reveals how parents and teachers can work together to better understand them.

Why do boys have a mask of masculinity?

As a result, boys develop a "mask of masculinity" to hide their shame, vulnerability and the other feelings they cannot express publicly.

Can boys lead half their emotional lives?

Today's boys, Pollack writes, are "only allowed to lead half their emotional lives.". REAL BOYS examines: How raising boys is different from raising girls. The truth about boys' self-esteem and how to improve it. Society's double standard of what it means to be masculine.