how do you know youre on a jewish golf course joke

What does the priest say on the golf course?

This hole is a 160-yard par three with a lake in the front of the green. It is also the padre’s nemesis, no matter how well or how poorly he is playing. Upon arriving at the tee, the priest tees up his ball, gets ready to hit and, at the last minute, looks toward the heavens and says, “God, I have been a good and decent man.

What did Tom say to a friend who was playing golf?

A friend who was sitting close by at the time and over heard Tom’s words leaned across and said, “Come on Tom you knew what to expect when you took up golf.” Mike and Bob had just finished the front nine and it was obvious that Mike was having a bad day. “Gee Mike, you’re just not your old self today, what’s the matter?” asked Bob.

Do you consider golf a game?

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music: Anon 61. The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

What to say to a caddy on a golf course?

50. Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.” 49. Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron? Caddy: Eventually. 48. Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. – Jim Bishop 47.

What does a man say to a friend who is playing golf?

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.#N#His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."#N#The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

What happens when you play golf on the eighth hole?

When they're on the eighth hole, they see a funeral procession pass the golf course, at which point the guy stops, lowers his head for a few seconds, and then heads to the tee.#N#Whereupon his friend says, "That's so respectful. Here we are playing golf and you take a moment to pay your respects."#N#To which the guy responds, "Well, we had a great marriage."

What did the man about to tee off notice?

when the man about to tee off noticed a funeral procession moving down the road next to the golf course. He stopped, put his club away, took off his hat and waited respectfully for them the pass. "My friend that was a very decent and respectful gesture" his friend commented. "The least I could do, I was married to her for eighteen years after all"

What does gent number one say to the funeral procession?

As gent number one steps up to the tee, a funeral procession drives by. Seeing the procession, he stops what he is doing, folds his hand, and bows his head out of respect. After the procession finishes, the other gents observe that, although it was a nice gesture, it was a little excessive to stop play like that. Gent number one replies "It was the least i could do ... I was married to her for 45 years!"

How many times did a golfer try to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and

A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green. But each time the ball splashes into the drink. In utter frustration the golfer said, “Caddie, take my clubs on in, I’m going to jump into the water and drown myself.”. The caddie replied, “I doubt that, sir.

Do golfers carry pepper spray?

They also advise golfers to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear. They say that it’s also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity on the courses. They recommend that golfers be educated so that they can recognize the difference between Black bear and Grizzly bear droppings.

What does the golf pro say to a woman?

Finally, the exasperated pro say “Look - just pretend the golf club is your husband’s penis”. The woman steps up to the tee and hits a ...

How does Jesus start the game?

Jesus starts the game. He hits the ball as hard as he can and it heads straight towards the lake. However , instead of sinking, the ball rolls on the surface of the water. Jesus walks on the lake, hits the ball, and gets it into the hole.

What does Honey say to her urn?

Once she gets home, she sets his urn on their patio table. "Honey, there are so many things I wish I could have told you before you had passed." she says. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'll do my best to say them all now."

How many times did he suspect his wife cheated on him?

his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath, he tells her that there were two times he suspected she cheated on him, and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

What does the speck on the horizon mean?

A man who has been stranded on a deserted island all alone for 10 years sees a speck on the horizon. "It's too small to be a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer, he rules out the possibility of it being a small boat, then a raft.

Who is Joe in the locker room?

Joe is a member of his local golf club. He walks into the locker room after finishing his round and sees his friend Tim with an annoyed look on his face.

What does the man say to his wife?

A couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife, "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfai ...

You Know You're Jewish When..

Use Yiddish words, do not get a tattoo, and know all the words to Adam Sandler's Hannukah Song. Got it.

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