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How does intimacy take time?

Intimacy takes time to develop. You need to have some reason to put in the time. If you're full of doubt at the start, you're not going to put in the time.". Moreover, a focus on one's own preferences can come at the expense of those of others.

What is happiness about?

Happiness is about holding onto your values, deciding who you are and being that person, using your particular talent, and investing in others. Unfortunately, says Marin family therapist and PT blogger Susan Pease Gadoua, not enough people today are willing to do the hard work of becoming a more mature person.

Why do people work themselves up?

People work themselves up over "the ordinary problems of marriage, for which, by the way, they usually fail to see their own contributions," says William Doherty, professor of family sciences at the University of Minnesota.

Why did marriage evolve?

Marriage probably evolved as the best way to pool the labor of men and women to enable families to subsist and assure that children survive to independence —and data indicate it still is. But beyond the basics, the purpose of marriage has shifted constantly, says Stephanie Coontz, a historian at Washington's Evergreen State College. It helps to remember that marriage evolved in an atmosphere of scarcity, the conditions that prevailed for almost all of human history. "The earliest purpose of marriage was to make strategic alliances with other people, to turn strangers into relatives," says Coontz. "As society became more differentiated, marriage became a major mechanism for adjusting your position."

Why is it important to choose the right partner?

Most people are focused on changing the wrong person in the relationship; if anyone has to change in a relationship, it's you —although preferably with the help of your partner.